When you look for it you will find it, and when you find it life feels just a bit lighter.
From an Uber ride that turned into an impromptu therapy session to a conversation in a wellness store that may just save a local business, this week we'll uncover the magic hidden within everyday interactions.
How is this relevant to palliative care?
Dealing with patients with dementia, cancer, and other serious or progressive illness can entice us to slow down and look for moments of wonder. When we decide to we can start to notice the 'nuggets of magic' all around us... and then we can create moments of wonder ourselves.
Celebrating the heart-centered healer that you are,
When you look for it you will find it, and when you find it life feels just a bit lighter.
From an Uber ride that turned into an impromptu therapy session to a conversation in a wellness store that may just save a local business, this week we'll uncover the magic hidden within everyday interactions.
How is this relevant to palliative care?
Dealing with patients with dementia, cancer, and other serious or progressive illness can entice us to slow down and look for moments of wonder. When we decide to we can start to notice the 'nuggets of magic' all around us... and then we can create moments of wonder ourselves.
Celebrating the heart-centered healer that you are,
Welcome to the Integrative Palliative Podcast, where we help physicians and other clinicians master the art of integrative symptom management so they can wholeheartedly care for themselves as they expertly care for their patients. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Dr Delia Caramanti, so I have been noticing wonder recently. Wonder, and that's what I want to talk about today, because I think we can look for it, we can see it when it's there, but also we can create some in this complicated, challenging, hard, sometimes sad world. And so here's what I want to talk about, and at first I want to tell you a story. You guys know that I just published a book called Coping Courageously A Heart-Centered Guide for Navigating a Loved One's Illness Without Losing Yourself, and I was working with a book coach, and so every week now every two weeks when I was writing the book, I would read a chapter to the coach and get some feedback. And so one time I had an appointment, and it was hard to get an appointment with them. Unfortunately, it worked out that the appointment was at the same time that I was going to have to be traveling to the train station, so I was going to be in an Uber and we couldn't change the time. So I just asked well, can I just read it to you? From the Uber. They said, sure, so that's what I did. So I read this chapter and it happened to be a chapter on sadness and depression. And how do you handle it when someone that you care about is facing either sadness or depression or both? And so I read the chapter in the Uber and it was fine. I got some feedback and it was all good. But when I got out of the Uber to get my bag, the driver got out and said I just want to thank you so much. You don't understand how important it was for me that you were in my Uber today and thank you. So I don't know exactly what was going on, but I know that that person needed to hear a message about sadness or depression or both, and I was so struck by that. I don't know if you believe in divine whatever or coincidence, but there I was reading that chapter in that Uber with that person and what a wonderful, amazing experience that was. It was amazing. So I look for situations like that and maybe they're made up, but I don't care, because they make it feel to me like there are nuggets of magic in the world. I don't mean that literally, but just something deep that we don't totally understand, and I think it's good for our well-being to look for them, even if it's made up. Who cares? Because I felt something important from that experience in the Uber, and so did the driver, and so it was kind of powerful.
Speaker 1:
And then recently I was in a store. I had specifically driven to this store to get a gift for someone and it was kind of a wellness type store and I knew that they had interesting things and that's why I drove specifically to this place and I really enjoyed being in the store and I noticed when I was in there that I felt like my blood pressure went down and I felt peaceful and my breathing slowed. It just had a nice vibe. And so when I was checking out I don't usually make small talk with people when I'm checking out at a store, but I said to the person who was checking me out do you order the things in here because they're really lovely? And she got right away, tears in her eyes, and said, oh my gosh, thank you so much for saying that, because, yes, this is my store and just today I was talking with someone and trying to decide should I close it. And I said, oh my goodness, I hope you don't close it, because I drove here specifically for your store. It's such a special place and it feels like a wellness experience to walk in here. And she said, oh my goodness, the one idea that I had and the reason I'm moving things around. She showed me she was moving things around. The reason I'm moving things around is because I thought maybe I could increase traffic here if I made a seating area where people could come and I'll have tea and maybe they'll come and gather and they'll buy things when they're here. And I said, oh my gosh, that's such a wonderful idea. I would come here. I live in the neighborhood, I would come here for that and that's just the vibe that I feel in your store. And she really welled up and felt like she was kind of asking for a sign should I close my store or not? And then this random woman walks in and makes small talk and tells her what a meaningful store she has. So again you could say, oh well, whatever, that was just a conversation, but for me and I think for her, it felt like there was wonder in it that we happen to have this conversation just when she needed to have this conversation.
Speaker 1:
So how is this relevant to palliative care? It is because illness is scary. Yes, of course, death and grief are scary and sad, but the whole deal, the whole thing is pretty wild, right, like we're not here and then we're born, and then we're here and we're on this blue ball that's floating in space. So what's at the end of space? What on earth is on the other side? And if there's nothing on the side, on the other side, and it's infinite, what on earth does that mean? There is so much mystery in what on earth is happening for us on this planet, what life is, and I think that's relevant when we're thinking about death, which is also wild.
Speaker 1:
Of course it's sad, of course we miss people when they're gone, of course, but it's also a pretty wild experience that someone is here, in the fullness of your relationship with them, and then they're not here. It's a spiritual experience, not religious necessarily, but a spiritual concept that a being is not here and then they're here and then they're not here. That's just wild, and I think it's important for us, as people who deal with others who are facing serious illness, to see it in a bigger, deeper way, and not just ex-patient as ex-illness and their treatment is not working, so go to hospice, it's time they're going to die. It's just so much richer than that and I think engaging with it and wrestling with it ourselves and showing patients that we understand how big and deep this is, and maybe even helping them see that too, and not just their loss and their fear and their grief, I think it's important. And you might say, oh well, some people know, very religious people know what happens after they die. But my experience as a palliative care doctor is that even very religious people sometimes, as the end gets closer, they also wonder what's going to happen. So there are some people, certainly, who are certain up until the end. But even very religious people sometimes have a different perspective as the end of their life comes closer and they're also not sure and also just seeing it as a big mystery that no one exactly knows the answer to. So the whole thing is just basically a big mystery and I think that it's important that we get that and we embody that and we think about that and we feel touched by that that it's not just illness, death, grief on the surface. It's deeper and it's crazy and it's wild and we don't know the answer, and it's something to be touched by. There is wonder in the whole experience of our time here on earth, including the time for us to go. So I would like for all of us to not only look for wonder, but to create some.
Speaker 1:
I felt some pull in that store to say something to this woman, even though it's not my normal way. If you feel a pull like that, do the thing. If you feel like somebody needs a connection, or that there's a certain thing that you should do or a certain place that you should be, I encourage you to listen to that. I think our intuition is something that we don't totally understand, but I feel like it might be real and it might be the thread to what I'm talking about here. So tap into your intuition if you get a sense of something.
Speaker 1:
So I had an idea today. I'm about to take the train to New York for work and I had an idea that I'm going to bring one of my books and I'm going to leave it on the train. Now, I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe someone will just throw it away and no one will ever see it. That's perfectly fine, but maybe someone will sit down after me and maybe this is the very book that they need. Maybe I don't know, but at least I'm putting some opportunity into the world to possibly create some of this wonder. So I had the idea, I felt like that was some intuition, that it might be helpful, and if it doesn't turn out, that's fine. But I'm going to listen to it anyway and I encourage you guys to do the same. So look for the little nuggets of wonder in your experience and your life and then look for opportunities that you can create some.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for being here. I so, so, so appreciate that you listened. I really would like to spread the reach of this podcast. So, if you're willing, I would be so grateful if you would tell a colleague or a friend about this podcast. Just send them the link, just tell them about it and tell them to go find it on their favorite podcast place. Send them an email, send them a text. It would really be a blessing for me. All right, thank you so much and I'll see you next week. Bye-bye.
